Thursday, October 23, 2008

Another reader review


An-Magrith e-mailed me about my novel "Scar Flowers." She says,


"I am reading Scar Flowers right now too it is AWESOME! It's so sensual, like a work of art. The way you describe stuff is so well done I like how you describe the essense in a few words and that creates a whole scene, and how it makes the bizarre so familiar. Has anyone in the community read it yet? Anyway, it seems so real like there really is a place like this here. I like how you added that Seattle is a Scorpio city! Did you get that from Faye the Tattooed Psychic too? I put that in my "Tarotisten" [Swedish magazine] interview! For some reason that really stuck out in my head, it captures the essense of Seattle. I love the quality of the book. It must be so exciting to see your work in a real book form.


Anyway I'm so enjoying the book I don't want it to end, I even read it on the bus today on the way to work at Eco Elements bookstore at Pike Place Market! I hope there'll be more coming soon! Well, you have a fan here ;) Well, talk to you soon!"


An is a visual artist; visit her site at http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnRhcm90b2Z0aGVwb21lZ3JhbmF0ZS5jb20v. She is creating an entire tarot deck based on her oil paintings, and she does online or in-person tarot reading. OK, and she's in Hands of Kali! ;-) But I swear that I didn't ask her to write any of that!


The usual info on "Scar Flowers": go to http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3Lmx1bHUuY29tL2NvbnRlbnQvNDA3Mjc2Ng== to purchase, or to click the Preview this Book button and read the first chapter online


Friday, October 17, 2008

At SPIRITUS last night...




SPIRITUS is a monthly show that my bellydance troupe Hands of Kali does with Faye the Tattooed Psychic in the Jewelbox Theater (which has a magically morphing dressing room tagged by bands and burlesque acts from all over Seattle). Last night we were chillin there (literally!), noting the latest dressing room layout -- it's gone from having half the dividing wall and door knocked out [well, punched out at first--just a couple of fist-shaped holes] to having the entire dividing wall knocked out to being freshly painted on one side and having a new divding wall with the doorway in a different place. Oh, and it's colder than s**t back there in the winter!
which is why it was nice to be able to sit in the audience in the (heated) theater and watch after our opening fan dance and AC/DC medley numbers were over. Most of the audience was a birthday party, and they were whoopin it up. Once again, I was lucky enough to have Faye read me during her show--thanks to her past metaphysical (and metaphorical) kicks in the behind, I was motivated to get my novel out into the world, and now she says that spirit is telling me to stop being so afraid of failure and get out there to promote, promote, promote. in other words, 'be righteous about it.' [Living in Seattle for as long as I have, I can now also add that Stone Gossard of Pearl Jam once told me ages ago, when I said that I was joining a band as a singer: 'be righteous about it.' Meaning, I guess, that I shouldn't be a timid girl singer. Or, to just go at it all out]


OK! Spirit also said that I should push the novel in New York somehow.


this reading came right after FAye channeled a woman's dead father for her. at the end of that reading, Faye casually says, "Why would he says 'slippers'?" The woman said, "Oh god!" and started crying. Obviously it meant something personal about her dad, and it was electrifying. Faye doesn't push people to explain, especially when they're crying. She has moments in the show like this all the time.


There was a film crew there shooting the show for a promo video for Faye. afterward, they interviewed us upstairs sitting on this cool red velvet banquette while we talked about bellydance.


Oh--and I put a couple copies of my novel "Scar Flowers" out for sale and someone bought one! Whoever you are, thank you, and I hope you enjoy it.


Here is a link to Faye's Myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/tattooedpsychic

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Free excerpt!

OK, you've read about my inspiration for writing "Scar Flowers." You've gone to http://www.lulu.com/content/4072766 and clicked the "preview this book" button to read the first chapter online. You've read the first reader review. And yet ... you want more.

Which is exactly why I like you so much ;-)

Here is a bonus excerpt--Chapter 2

When Paul reached the seventh floor, Simon and the girl were not in sight. It didn’t matter; where else could they have gone but his suite, next door to Nadia’s room? All the trouble he’d gone through to get her that room, and she’d hardly thanked him.

Nadia. Not a saint’s name.

Not her real name, either.

“When you come to the film festival, I’ll take you to the private parties, the best premieres. You can meet my nephew, and I can show you my house; it’s just over—”

“Paul, won’t your colleagues wonder who I am? They’ll want to know about us. How we met.”

He laughed, but she would not let the subject drop.

“Everyone will want to know who I am.” She looked at him with those eyes of hers, hazel ringed with gold and green. A green-eyed redhead—God help him. “Too bad I’m not someone from the industry. Someone who already has a relationship with you.”

“Well, there’s someone I used to date years ago. Nadia. She was a fight choreographer and did a few stunts, but she mostly worked in Europe. I don’t think anyone at the festival would know her.”

“Good. Call me Nadia, then. But remember: I’ll be your ex-girlfriend.”

“Did you see them?” he asked when she let him in. “Was I right?”

“That’s your concern. Is that all you have for me?” Despite the restored glamour of its public spaces and the suites that StarBorn rented for VIPs, the standard rooms contained plastic veneer furniture, framed prints bolted to the walls. She had switched all the lamps on to wash the room with smeared yellow light. His eyes strayed to the television—St. Sebastian, with Simon Mercer as screenwriter, director, and star. Onscreen Mercer stood tied to the black trunk of a tree with all its limbs cut off as Roman soldiers held back a jeering crowd. Paul had discovered the studio’s latest star director when he stumbled onto this picture—not that Fran recalled that, once she had signed Mercer. An ambi-tious, well-realized film despite the casting decision—you couldn’t tell if this Sebastian was Hispanic, Mediterranean, or just suntan-ned. Mercer himself was supposed to be an underground heart-throb, with his long-nosed collage of a face that looked pieced together from ancient statues and moody advertisements for designer jeans.

“Why’re you watching this again?” He set the magazine, with his book tucked inside, on the coffee table.

What was left of Mercer’s tunic hung in rags from his shoulders and waist. He looked up as his sentence was pronounced. The crowd murmured, and a Centurion with a bow and quiver raised his arm, narrowed one eye to take aim.

Paul wanted to look away, but there it was: the first arrow, with its brief flight and sharp thud of impact. The saint shuddered, as if it had knocked the breath out of him. Much better than a painting or woodcut. After a pause, a moment in which you wondered whether the damage could be overcome and saw from Sebastian’s face that it could not, realistic blood snaked down from the shaft. A mortal wound.

Agony. The agony of the saints. Holy, a pure chord of suffering and devotion, like sunlight hitting a retina. Agony meant passion, suffering, but most people today thought that it meant lust. Just like obsession, which was supposed to mean possession by evil. Now it was either a smug psychological diagnoses or a reference to sex. Where and how had the confusion crept in? The tarnishing of truth.

Tarnish could be stripped away with pain.

“Weren’t you the one who told me how brilliant this film was?” She picked up a skirt from the back of a chair, held it up in front of herself. Her hair, waved like a ‘40s movie star’s, draped and slid over her shoulders with each movement. “You said it was the most realistic representation of a saint you’d ever seen.”

Paul sat on the love seat, disturbing a stack of dresses. “You’re packing? We’ve got three more days. You haven’t even seen my place.” Something heavy hidden under the clothes caught his hand: books. The Art of Fight Choreography and Basics of Filmmaking. He cleared his throat. “About Mercer . . . I’ve hardly met him. He might be rude to you. You know how some of these artist types are.”

“Simon being rude isn’t what you’re worried about. It’s whether he’s too nice to me.” She held up a pantsuit and looked at herself in the mirror.

“He’s probably gay. Sebastian is their patron saint, after all.”

“‘Their’ saint?” She draped the suit over a chair. “You’re starting to sound obsessed.”

“Don’t use that word.”

“If you’re worried, tell him you invited me here to win me back.”

“I wasn’t implying—”

“Weren’t you? Tell me more about Nadia then. I want to make sure I get it right.”

“His panel is tomorrow. That’s what you’re getting ready for. You wouldn’t even go to the awards dinner with me.”

“Paul.” Her voice softened, and she sat across from him. “You hate yourself for whining and pleading with Fran, so why not practice being strong with me?” Her fingers found the cameo brooch at her throat. She saw him looking and smiled.

“You wore my Valentine’s Day present,” he said. “So you are here to be with me.”

Her mouth turned down. She unfastened the brooch and set it on the dresser. “Can I trust you?” she asked, her back to him. “I need to know that you hear what I say to you.”

“Leah, I heard you. Can you hear me?”

Leah. Not a saint’s name either. Leah, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning “clearing” or “glade.” In Hebrew, it meant “weary one.” She did look tired now. Tired of him.

“My name is Nadia here. And the point isn’t to make you feel bad. I didn’t come down here just for you, and you shouldn’t trust anyone who says something like that. Right?” She turned to look at him, brows raised, but he said nothing. She sighed. “Then get me a copy of the Babylon script. All I have is the synopsis.”

He stared.

“Just get it. Then you’ll be settled with me about this.”

“Why is Mercer so important? He’s a gimmick artist, not a director.”

“You’re right. He’s just like anyone else. In fact, he’s very much like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

Had he heard wrong? “Really? After your trick with the olive, I thought he was going to slap you.”

“I’ll prove it to you, since you’ve dared me. Which means I’ll need your help for a few more days.”

In Greek, Leah meant “glad tidings.” The thought almost made him laugh.

“It won’t take any longer than that,” she said. “I know you like setting challenges. Otherwise you wouldn’t have sent me St. Sebastian.” Paul’s face grew hot, but she only added, “Yes, I’m going to the panel tomorrow, and I’m going alone.”

They couldn’t fight here. The entire floor was rented to the studio’s guests.

He went to his room and returned with his copy of the shooting script, which she took and shut the door without a word.

He knocked again. “Leah?” He kept his voice low. The second hand on his watch crawled around the face four times before he heard a flutter and a clang from her room, as if she had thrown something against the blinds. A magazine, perhaps.

Or a script.

Go back to the Assyrians, and the name Leah meant “mistress” or “ruler.” Paul waited another minute, then returned to his room.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

First reader feedback!

This is from Christine W., who is a technical editor (she said i could use her name); she read the HoK-published novel:

"I finished reading Scar Flowers this weekend. What an amazing book! The whole movie world and S&M world … I couldn't put it down. Really fascinating characters, great tension, and fabulous writing. You're especially good at describing sensations in ways that aren't cliché—very hard, I think! And sex scenes! I think those are the hardest to write, and you've got so many. I'm surprised this didn't find a publisher. I realize it would not be, perhaps, the most mainstream publisher, but I would think it would find a home. You're really such a good writer and brave, too. I'm glad you self-published it. This novel should be read. I'd love to hear what inspired you to write those characters and about your research. What is your second novel about?"

Thanks, Christine! [I'm not through drafting the second novel, but I can say that it's funny and involves the occult. and circuses]

Read a sample chapter of Scar Flowers, and/or order it here:
http://www.lulu.com/content/4072766

Friday, October 10, 2008

More "Closer"



ok, so Part II of my post on the inspiration for my newly published novel, "Scar Flowers"--the music video for the Nine Inch Nails song "Closer."

Part of what disturbed and inspired me is that the song takes dark, hidden things you're not supposed to admit to and shoves them in your face. Instead of ignoring them or pretending they don't exist. Part of me wondered: is the song just self-indulgent, sexist shock rock?

Here's why i think not: if someone says "I wanna fuck you like an animal," that implies that they know that sex is (or can be) about much more: if the speaker has to specify animalistic sex, that means there are other kinds too. And when you see the video, Trent Reznor, who is after all the star of the song and the person supposedly in power (male, rock star, yada yada), but he is portrayed blindfolded and handcuffed, or with a gag in his mouth, or even as a part of a macabre banquet--he is the one who is objectified by his pronouncement of "I wanna fuck you like an animal."

Now THAT is enlightening, honest, painful, and amazing. another revealing thing about the video is that the woman in the video never is in the same frame with Reznor; they are quite definitely separated. So again the lust aspect of the lyrics are not about male dominance or empowerment; not only does he not get the girl, he's the one being shown as more submissive. Yes, the woman is a traditional SM submissive, shown naked with a shaved head, her waist artifically tiny from years of corset training. But she is shown lounging like a queen while he's chomping a ball gag or twisting in his bonds; the agony and agonizing are his, not hers.

So... at heart that's what my book is about. The fears about vulnerability in an adult relationship, the power plays, the desire and attendant guilt and shame that we deal with in our culture. I wanted to explore how someone with outward worldly power and control could end up twisting in the bonds of desire, and what that agony was all about.

Take a peek if you want to get a taste...
http://www.lulu.com/content/4072766

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Adventures in publishing




My newly published novel, "Scar Flowers," is available on lulu.com. A brief description:


After a vampiric nocturnal encounter with a mysterious female apparition who infiltrates his dreams, iconoclastic film director Simon Mercer enters an elusive world of masked identities and erotic games of increasing danger. His struggle to reclaim himself spirals from the set of his Hollywood thriller to a lakeside Seattle mansion, where art and excruciation intertwine. In the contemporary literary novel "Scar Flowers," primal questions are acted out as physical tests: Do you desire me? Can I trust you? Will you be faithful?


Love and death are the most dangerous realms. Nowhere else are we so naked—or so human.


If you find that intriguing, please visit my lulu.com storefront, where you can read the first chapter to get a taste, and purchase if you so desire: http://www.lulu.com/content/4072766

What's with the photo, you wonder? REad on.

It's been an interesting journey to get to publication. I started writing the novel in January 2000, when I was sick with the flu and had recently gotten access to MTV, which still occasionally played music videos at that point. It was doing a countdown of the top 100 music videos, and that's when I saw the Nine Inch Nails video for the song "Closer" for the first time. [trivia: this video is part of the archives in the Museum of MOdern ARt in New York]

Wow. I was disturbed. I was inspired. I was jealous as hell--*I* wanted to make art like that. The look was inspired by Joel-Peter Witkin's photography and shot on antique film. I loved the song but couldn't quite explain why I liked something that had the lyric "I want to fuck you like an animal" in it. layered over a funky, amost disco beat--how can I stand behind something that? Isn't that horribly sexist? [turns out the answer is 'no'... stick with me to learn why--or look at the image from the video to get a head start]

So I started writing in my journal to explore the story behind some of the images, behind the concept of the song itself. a few months later i realized that i had a story, and after that, a novel. Then i started taking more writing classes (I majored in English in college), and rewriting and polishing. I workshopped what I had with writer's groups and started sending query letters to agents--about 160 of them. and queries to small presses (about 20 of them). Along the way I had a short story published in the SEal Press anthology "Shameless: Women's Intimate Erotica" edited by Hanne Blank, starring the female protagonist of my book; it was reprinted in Penthouse magazine. I also had a short story published on Clean Sheets.com--both of these were published under a pseudonym.
I had an agent for a year and a half, and the advice that I got was that if an agent doesn't sell for you in that time, you should move on. So I self-published on lulu.com.
So now I'm here, at the beginning of learning how to promote my book. I'll cover that and why "Closer" isn't a piece of sexist garbage in future posts... Until then!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sugar DazzleThighs, Meet Sapphire DeepKiss

[post originally from 6/6/06]:
a friend (Montana VelvetShock) from the ninternet (definition: the various sites on the internet focused on nine inch nails) sent me one of those been-forwarded-forever messages about how to determine what your stripper name would be. my sister was disappointed that her stripper name turned out the same as mine--Sapphire DeepKiss. so she came up with Sugar DazzleThighs.

speaking of verbal fun, my co-worker Suzanne came up with this one during a conversation about kayaking and outdoorsy-ness in which i mentioned that i don't engage in any activity that cannot be performed whilst wearing high heels:

"Kai-whacking [alternative to 'kayaking']: with origins in a little-known Asian martial art, this violent meditation practice incorporates deep breathing and ass kicking. The traditional uniform is best demonstrated in modern culture by the cast of Sex in the City. The technique is usually spontaneous and executed without provocation. Signs that a person is a kai-whacking practitioner: bulldog tattoos, consumption of protein shakes, comfort in high heels."

so here i am blogging again. speaking of blogs, my friend Kanako has a bilingual food blog. when we were in a restaurant in lake chelan over the weekend, she whipped out her digital camera and took photos of the various entrees our group ordered. she's also an incredible cook--she made shrimp toast, katsu, and 2 kinds of sushi rolls for the whole group on the second night.

katsu... or is it don katsu? wait; i thought that was Al Pacino's little-known adopted brother from Japan.

on the writing front, the novel polish is going quite well. my short story was rejected by Glimmer Train just in time for me to overnight it to Zoetrope before they stop taking submissions for the summer. the book i'm reading on how to sell your novel indicates that it takes an average of 10 years to get your first novel published. i'm at 5 years right now--break out the champagne!

maybe now that 6/6/06 is past, Hands of Kali will stay healthy. Kendra stepped on a big steel staple while we were performing at the Vogue (tetanus shot), Magi stepped on a rusty rake at her cabin (tetanus shot, 2 course of antibiotics), and Tayissa cracked her rib (ouch!). i am sick as a dog with what i think might be a sinus infection.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Hello

I am a writer and bellydancer (of the troupe Hands of Kali) who used to hang out on Tribe.net a lot, but since it seems to be winding down, I am moving my blog here. This blog will focus mainly on my writing, as I have just published my novel, Scar Flowers.

Here is some background on me and on it, taken from older blog posts... Because i'm just moving in here, I want to lay down some posts to settle in.

March 14, 2006:

[to fellow Tribesters--"hi" if you are reading this] :

thanks for the comments/questions about my novel... it's about an indie film director who is visited in the middle of the night by a mysterious female apparation who could be either a succubus or a vampire. she turns out to be human, and seduces him into an underground world of increasingly dangerous erotic games.

at heart, it's just a good ol' fashioned love story. with scalpels. Gothy good fun for all :-)

March 16, 2006 entry

"Catzuma"

Whenever i get set up to paint the inside of the house, Luna gets really excited. She pounces on the plastic tarps, sits on the ladder, and zooms past me as I'm perched on the top rung painting the ceiling. any day of the week, if I hear her galloping around upstairs I know it's because she just left me an, um, special delivery in the catbox.

but i agree with her: the little accomplishments in life *should* be celebrated. after all, why wait for new year's eve to open the bubbly?

so a big YAHOO that my new laptop arrived yesterday! and i'm halfway done painting the stairwell!

Hands of Kali performed last night at Silver Moonday at the Fenix Underground. it was a space alien theme, so i covered myself in whte liquid latex. the idea was that i would use the silver sparkle latex finish to make my skin look shiny silver. almost 4 hours later, i was finally ready.

i put a tarp down but still managed to get latex on the walls and floor. it takes a long time to put enough coats on, let them dry, and NOT MOVE while they're drying. biggest lesson: don't try to paint yourself (see "NOT MOVE," above). and it's cold! it feels like wearing a clammy rubber balloon that's a little too tight in places. looks really strange when you do belly rolls, as the latex wrinkles quite a bit when you move. it did look kinda cool overall, and very alien. i'll post pics when i get them. [edit: i finally saw some pics and they are too bizarre. that shit tightens on your face like a bad facelift and leaves your lips sticking out like a pair of sausages. 'nuff said.]

Kendra made some space-alien-shaped cookies for us to pass out to the crowd when we first went onstage ("we come in peace!"), and some sparkly silver floggers for last number, where we "freak out in a moonage daydream" and shoot rayguns at the audience and swat 'em a few times with the floggers. intergalactic fun was had by all, and our fellow clubbers' costumes were amazing.

basically, it went great [gallops wildly]